Book Study 2022-2023
Chapter 35: Looking Beyond Behavior
Chapter 35 Question: In your own words, describe the meaning of loving-kindness
The meaning of loving-kindness is to truly give people the benefit of the doubt and forgive and act towards them as best as possible. When looking at someone, at any point in the day, realize that their life might not always be sunshine and rainbows. Life is truly dark and full of despair, yet the media and other programs can always make it seem like we are always great and everyone is perfect. We aren’t. So to fully understand loving-kindness and putting it into action, we need to be mindful of others' actions as well as what they could be going through. Despite this, we shouldn’t always accept people and accept what someone did wrong to you, but realize during interactions that people could be going through really bad things.
Chapter 36: See the Innocence
Chapter 36 Question: What occurs when we practice compassion toward others and let go of “their” story, rather than get caught up in the drama of a situation?
As seen in chapter 35, when we practice compassion towards others and let go of their story as well as drama, we find that our life is a lot better and simpler. To treat people the absolute right way and to truly act kind towards someone, we realize that our life is so much better. We become at peace and content with what happens within ourselves. That said, personally I love to hear about drama but never be in it because it gives me more insight into people’s actions and how to approach people depending on their actions. That said, we need to forgive people for some of their actions but not forgive on other levels. For example, if someone is caught cheating, so on and so forth, I shouldn’t treat them like an honest student and change the way I help them when I do interact with them.
Chapter 37: Choose Being Kind Over Being Right
Chapter 37 Question: Define equanimity. Do you practice this in your life? Look at your ego first before you answer...
Equanimity means that you are even in temperature towards others and calm in your actions; level-headedness with actions towards people. Equanimity means that you interact with people not based on your ego and emotions but rather with a logical approach to it. I think that I do practice this for the most part in my life but I do still have my moments where I lead with emotion (mostly annoyance if it occurs). I believe that a good majority of the time I act very level headed with my actions and very logical. This will come as no surprise to most people because that is the energy I mostly exude and I will continue to do this because I am content with myself and my interactions. I am happy from what I learn from each person by acting logically and adapting to each situation and interaction I have.
Chapter 38: Tell Three People (Today) How Much You Love Them
Chapter 38 Question: In picking 3 people, who would you choose and why them?
If I were to pick 3 people to tell how much I love them, I would tell my mother, father, as well as my friend group at large, because they are practically all the same person but in different fonts. First, I would tell my mother that I love her because of what she has done in the home environment as well as for raising me right. I know it sounds biased but from an outsider's viewpoint, my mother has done an amazing job at raising me. She has taught me very practical life lessons as well as daily tips and ways of life I cannot thank her for enough. Similarly, my dad is someone who also has taught me so many things, but from another but still great perspective. Their life experiences I have learned from and they are both amazingly hard working people and people who are model citizens and parents. The last person (technically group) would be my little group. I am so thankful for them because they have hatched me out of my social cocoon and made me transform into a semi-butterfly. They all have great attributes to them and they are all great role models in various aspects, and I can always learn something from them. You are who you surround yourself with, and these people I am proud to have around me whenever I am free.
Chapter 39: Practice Humility
Chapter 39 Question: Describe a time when you saw an individual or a group lack humility. How did that make you feel about said individual/group? No need to share names in this example.
A time when I saw a lack of humility within a person is normally every time in an AP class right after a big test. People always try to show off their grade when they know they did well; for example, if you got a 60% on the APUSH test, you aren’t going to ask everyone and their mom their score because it really is a subconscious ego thing. I’ve noticed within myself recently that I do this, and I’m not doing this to feel better about myself. I believed that originally stemmed from this in elementary and middle school when I had a huge desire for academic validation from others. But now, it seems like something that has carried on even though I don’t really care anymore, and it’s something that I’ve definitely been working on because it is a legitimate problem in my life. It isn’t an ego thing to me but it will show that when I do do it and I don’t like that at all. Practicing humility is definitely a great part of a great person within life and it is something I can clearly work towards.
Chapter 40: When in Doubt about Whose Turn It Is to Take out the Trash, Go Ahead and Take it Out
Chapter 40 Question: What is your perspective/opinion of this article? Valid or a waste of time?
I do agree with this opinion of the article because these little toxic things really plague people’s lives even though they don’t really mean it. Like the author says, it doesn’t matter who takes out the trash the most times or if someone accidentally forgot to unload the dishwasher. To really pick out the small things and complain about them and make that your personality can be very annoying. Not to throw people under the bus, but my mom is one of those people and I know she doesn’t have malicious intent with it. But it really gets on my nerves when she does things like this to me and my dad but it is coming from a place with care and love. And to notice that and not get pissed off like I do sometimes is definitely a feat that takes a lot of mental energy within my life but has bettered me as a person. In addition to generalizing the concept, although I can’t always be right or my mom can’t always pickpoint me, it takes a lot of energy to not always be right and it is another thing I have to consciously work on.
Chapter 41: Avoid Weatherproofing
Chapter 41 Question: Do you weatherproof? Explain.
I most definitely work on weatherproofing within my life and within my relationship because the point made by the author is something I have noticed within my life for other people. When people look for something to complain about or something to pickpoint, it is a really toxic trait because people aren’t perfect. I’m not perfect, David isn’t, no one is. So when we think to ourselves “why aren’t they__?” “Why __?” it is something we can’t always apply to ourselves. So we need to change the way we think because the way the modern society has been shaped has been looked to for always criticizing others and to always find something to pick out because there is something wrong with their egos. They want to feel better about themselves and they want to feel superior. So, I try my best to always weatherproof my life instead of judging other people (I know I’m 99% judgy but when I see the problems I tell them.)
Chapter 42: Spend a Moment, Every Day, Thinking of Someone to Love
Chapter 42 Question: Who do you choose to send love to at this moment?
Within this moment, I would like to send love to everyone who is going through a loss of a loved one or is going through some struggle of some sort. Even though this is such a broad statement, having to experience loss, to experience grief, to experience struggle is something inherently associated with being a human. Even though that does foster change, sometimes that change can be for the negative and for the worse. So, my heart and love goes out to everyone that is going through a hard time and is struggling in some way. A setback, a loss, a struggle doesn’t have to define you but also can’t tear your life down. A commonality to the people that are being negatively affected would be the ones who struggle with depression and suicide. For them the pit of despair just keeps growing and the phrase “once you hit rock bottom you can only go up” seems like the rock bottom just keeps getting deeper and deeper. I wish the best for all of these people going through these struggles because at least 1 man takes his life every minute, and women are just as important but aren’t also as prevalent in modern society in terms of total suicide.
Chapter 43: Become an Anthropologist
Chapter 43 Question: Reflect on the Following: “Judging others takes a great deal of energy and, without exception, pulls you away from where you want to be.”
Although I do agree with this a bit, I also have to comment that judging others can not be a negative thing but rather a reflection upon what you can improve upon. A simple way of looking at this is that judging is a negative thing to do. Comments such as, “Why are they doing this...they look gross...etc.” is very toxic and a self-destructing habit that is not good whatsoever. If you are judging people to make fun of them to fulfill your tiny little ego, there is nothing wrong with it. On the contrary, seeing things about other people that you recognize in each other, such as a hunched back or procrastination, it is a healthy thing to judge other people. If all you are doing is spreading hate, you will feel like shit, but if you are spreading love, you will feel loved.
Chapter 44: Understand Separate Realities
Chapter 44 Question: Why is it important to see the differences amongst one another in our small intimate circle to cultures around the world?
It is important to see the differences amongst other people in our small circles and even in cultures around the world to see other people’s perspectives and take that into consideration when you are interacting with them in your daily life. Everyone has their own culture on all scales and we need to respect that, but that doesn’t mean we have to respect everyone. Differences are meant for a reason and if people around you go against your morals, then there is no reason to keep ties with them. Sure, you don’t have to become a raging asshole around them (at least be a bit polite), but you need to recognize the differences in people to interact with them differently. People need to be different in order to have a non-homogenous society, people all can’t get along perfectly and be kind with each other.
Chapter 45: Develop Your Own Helping Rituals
Chapter 45 Question: What are some ways that you can help the spread of kindness toward others?
I believe that the spread of kindness toward others is an essential part of being in leadership and as a development in our own character. We don’t have to be the girls in each other’s Instagram comments making fake “Ooo you are soooo pretty!” even though they hate them; being genuinely kind to people when you see something is a quality that is very nice. Especially for guys, we don’t receive compliments very often, so when we do we can easily tell if they are being fake or if they are truly being nice to them. For example, I was just waiting during one of the morning breaks to talk with Deep and Marcus came up to talk to us. We were discussing whatever it may have been but I looked down and he had a nice pair of shoes on; I complimented his shoes because they were a really nice and fashionable pair and his face lit up. Even though it was such a small detail, it meant so much to him. And I completely understand where he is coming from; we wear our daily outfits and do our normal things and never get appreciation from each other, ever. So when another guy compliments us, it really spreads that appreciation towards each other. So, just being genuine when you interact with people (and honest), you can truly make someone’s day by not keeping those positive comments in your head because you will think their ego will inflate, because who knows what kind of day they are having or how rough it has been.
Chapter 46: Every Day, Tell at Least One Person Something You Like, Admire, or Appreciate about Them
Chapter 46 Question: Give someone a compliment via text message or DM. Who did you choose and how did it make you feel to support another person?
Me being rebellious, I decided that I wanted to give this compliment in person to Deep during 2nd/3rd break, a time where both of us just talk before Spanish class for about 15 minutes. I decided to do it in person because, as shown in my chapter 45 answer, it is so much more genuine. Guys don’t really receive many compliments, so getting one in person is something special that kind of makes our days. I also chose Deep because he is a really great guy that deserves it, and I can tell like most other people don’t receive that many compliments because doing so is normally out of the norm. Giving support is something that always makes me feel great because it makes other people feel great. I like seeing the people I care about have a great time and enjoy themselves; a smile can go a long way for people so making people laugh and have fun is one of the most fundamental parts of my personality. We honestly need to be giving support to each other much more, because there is so much unnecessary evil and hatred towards each other when we can love. We can spark life and happiness is a world that only focuses on the negative 24/7, we can make the change.
Chapter 47: Argue for Your Limitations, and They’re Yours
Chapter 47 Question: Discuss a time when you had self doubt and set limitations on yourself. How did you or how can you change this behavior?
Personally, I have had and have continually had doubt and limitations on myself, and this mostly comes in academics and grades. I always downplay my grades and test scores as something that is the standard; to be fair, it really is for what I am capable of, but in general I needed to be a lot more kind to myself and a lot more happy about my achievements. I believe that being a “gifted” student my entire life I have just expected a 100% on everything that I do because I am so used to it; I would never get B’s on tests in elementary school, and that continued for a while. But, in general, I need to be more relaxed in this perspective because it won’t last forever. I need to be more appreciative and happy of my achievements, and I fully believe that I am getting closer and closer to achieving them due to a change in perspective. I have a clear goal of what I want in my future, and I know I won’t get my dream job if I do mediocre work. Hard goals aren’t achieved by laziness and messing around; it takes time and dedication and discipline to achieve these. And I fully believe that I can do these, being proud of every step of the way to make the entire experience enjoyable.